I wonder if there’s a word for something that’s halfway between a thought and a feeling. It’s this strange sensation I’ve been having all day…
It’s almost like I’ve been given a small glimpse of what my future knowledge and wisdom feels like. Does that make sense? Like I’m looking back on now from a better place…a wiser place. Kind of like how you’d imagine a vacation to feel before you’ve arrived.
I am here, in this moment, but it’s almost like I’m stepping slightly into the future, and into a more enlightened and aware state beyond my current issues and the cumulative crises which have defined my life for the past six months. Refreshing. It’s a nice perspective, actually, and I’m grateful for it. Although it’s hard to admit to one’s ignorance, it’s also exciting to know that a lighter, rosier lens is awaiting me once I am through this horrific experience.
I just can’t shake the feeling that this dawning of realization will come in the form of me understanding – like, actually grasping – that my thoughts, perceptions, and feelings are far more powerful than I can even fathom. Like I’m looking back on now from a better place…a wiser place.
Someone said once (the best introduction to any quote, ever) that you don’t know what you don’t know.
In this case, however, I feel like I’m starting to know what I don’t know. Which will, of course, be replaced by more stuff I don’t know.
But I mean really, what do I know?